


True Story

by behindskylines (deanlovessammymorethanpie)



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 03:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanlovessammymorethanpie/pseuds/behindskylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can't really tell you too much about it, cause it's a surprise, but it involves a power that Brendon doesn't know that he has, and Ryan trying to milk it for all that it's worth. Trust me, it's much better than it sounds. :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Story

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on October 6, 2008 on livejournal under the name himmerethwen (an lj username I used previously).

Brendon decided that there was seriously something wrong with Ryan Ross. No, like… _seriously_. Looking beyond the usual things that Brendon thought were wrong with Ryan, this was a definitely worrying one. He’d started to think that the guitarist for his band was **losing his mind**.

“Goddamnit!” Brendon looked down at his Sidekick and noticed that it was Ryan’s number yet again. He contemplated throwing the phone against the wall, but it wasn’t the phone’s fault. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to Ryan. That was the thing. Ryan never talked to him when he called. He would call and call all day, and then, when Brendon had finally had enough of it, and answered, Ryan would mumble something, and hang up. He would call for hours on end, make some retarded noises, and hang up. The entire call would last barely a minute, and Brendon was getting tired of it.

He hit the accept button on his phone, switched it over to speakerphone, and waited. He could hear Ryan on the other side, shifting something that sounded like glass on what sounded like a wooden table. “Brendon?” his voice came out weak, and slightly scared.

Brendon looked down at his phone, and was concerned for the two seconds it took for Ryan to gather enough breath to shout out, “Dammit, Bren, you have to say something for this to work!”

“For what to work, Ryan?” And, fuck, there went his ‘not playing this game’ rule. But, Ryan was starting to scare him.

Ryan breathed out a heavy sigh, “Thank god. I gotta go, Bren.” And hung up.

“Fuck.” Brendon exhaled out, putting his phone on the coffee table, and staring at it. “As in, what the?” He asked the room before putting his head in his hands, and sighing.

***

 

“So, I think that Ryan’s been smoking too much pot.” Brendon said in lieu of a proper ‘hello’ when Jon answered his phone the next day. 

“Hello, Brendon. I’m fine. Oh, my week’s been great, thanks for asking. How are you?” Jon said sarcastically. 

“Do you think it’s possible?” Brendon continued, ignoring Jon as he paced his small kitchen, stopping to fiddle with a magnet on his fridge. “Do you think he smoked all of his brain cells to death?”

“Of course, it’s possible. I mean, come on. Just look at Joe.” Jon scraped a butter knife on toast. He was probably making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “But, what makes you think that Ryan’s done that? He has a lot of brain cells. I think it would take him little longer to kill them all off.”

“He keeps doing this…this **thing** …” Brendon trailed off, not even sure how to describe it.

“What thing?” Jon asked around a mouth full of peanut butter and jelly. 

Brendon listened to the smack of Jon’s lips for a moment. “Get some milk or something, Jesus.”

Jon continued to chew, “I has milk.”

“Then, drink it!”

“So, what thing?”

“Did you drink your milk?”

“Yes, mother. Now, answer the fucking question.”

“Tsk, tsk, Jon Walker. Language! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Jon stopped for a moment. Brendon could hear the pause of his bare feet in their padding across his hardwood floor. “Did you just ask if I kissed you with…? Nevermind. Stop avoiding the question, Urie.”

The whole story flew out of his mouth so fast that he couldn’t stop the rambling. “A few days after we got home, he started calling me like, repeatedly, daily, and we’ve only been home for about a week, and I haven’t properly talked to him since we had those drinks at the airport lounge before heading our separate ways, and we all agreed to take a few days apart and just distress, and now, I’m more stressed than ever cause when I finally pick up, he doesn’t even say anything, he just like, mumbles and hangs up, and he’ll call me for _hours_ just to not say anything at all, and it’s starting to fucking scare me, Walker.”

“Whoa. Um, alright? Have you talked to Spencer about this?” 

Brendon sighed, “No, I haven’t. I feel fucking weird talking about it, Jon. And Ryan **sounds** weird when he’s mumbling, or whatever.”

“Does he always mumble?” 

Trust Jon to think about things logically when Brendon’s slowly going insane. “Well, yeah. Except…”

“Except what?”

“Well, he called again last night. And I just waited for him to speak first, before I said anything, you know? He practically screamed at me.”

“What did he say?”

Brendon thought for a minute, literally scratching his head. “It was like, ‘You have to talk for this to work’? Or something like that.”

“Maybe he _did_ smoke all of his brain cells dead.”

“Thanks, JWalk.” Brendon laughed. “Look, I’d better run. My mom is expecting me for lunch. Enjoy your PB&J. Tell Dylan and Clover I said hi, yeah?”

Jon mumbled something that sounded like a “Sure,” around his mouthfull of food, and hung up before Brendon could reprimand him again for talking with his mouth full.

***

 

“Spencersmith.” Brendon said when Spencer answered his phone later that evening.

“This had better be good, Brendon. I was just settling into a plate of my mom’s cookies.”

“Oh, damn. Save me one?” Brendon loved Spencer’s mom’s cookies. They were like, an orgasm in the mouth. A mouthgasm, if you would. It was literally sex in the mouth. But, not oral, cause Brendon didn’t want to think about Mrs. Smith like that, thanks.

“No.”

Spencer Smith was a heartless bitch.

“What do you want?”

“What, I can’t call one of my favorite people just to say hello?”

Spencer made a noisy showing of taking a bite out of a cookie. 

“Seriously, was the moan necessary?”

Spencer licked his lips before replying, “Yes, it was, and no, you can’t. What’s up, Bren?”

“Have you noticed anything…weird? About Ryan? Lately?” 

“Nothing out of the ordinary weird. Why, what’s up?”

Brendon did not feel like retelling the whole situation, but he knew Spencer. Spencer didn’t like to be left in the dark when it came to things like this. Especially if it had anything to do with Ryan, or Jon. Or Brendon. Spencer was kinda overprotective like that. Either overprotective, or wanted in on the joke, or secret. So, Brendon told him, more or less the same way he told Jon, with one big rush of words that he had no control over. 

“Yeah, that is weird.”

“I know, right? I don’t know what to do about it.”

Spencer sucked some chocolate off of his finger, and Brendon could practically taste the warm chocolate chip cookies. “You suck, Spencer.” 

Spencer nodded. Brendon could hear his hair brushing back and forth against the speaker of the phone. “Just talk to him about it. See if he’ll tell you what’s going on.”

Brendon was contemplating driving over to Spencer’s house just to fight his way to that plate of cookies when his Sidekick buzzed against his ear, signaling that there was incoming call. “Fuck, there he is now. It’s the 12th call today!”

“Answer it. Talk to him. And don’t even think about driving over here and trying to steal my cookies. Men have died for less.”

“Fuck off, Spencer.” Brendon tried, but he had already hung up.

Brendon took a fortifying breath and switched to the other line.

“Ryan?”

He could hear a sigh of relief, and a muttered something about, “Depends on the time…” before he tried to jump back in control of the conversation. 

“Wait! Don’t hang up, Ryan. I want to talk to you! You’re scaring the fuck outta me, here.”

But, all he got in return was a breathy, “I’m sorry, Bren”, and the dial tone in his ear.

***

 

Brendon needed to relax, just… _relax_ , and there was always one thing that helped him do that. 

One hand fisted the cool sheets of his bed as his toes curled. “Fuck, yeah.” Brendon moaned, not stifling his noises because there was no one here to hear him. His mom wasn’t down the hall, and fuck, get rid of that idea. There were no bandmates in bunks above and around him, and yeah, that was better. There was nowhere that he had to be, nothing that he had to do, except stroke his dick and fucking enjoy it. “Fucking…Ryan.” He forced out of gritted teeth. Ryan was driving him insane, with this fucking shit. He didn’t know why he called, sounding distraught, and fucking hot with his breathy little whispers and mumbles. Goddamnit, Ryan. Brendon wished that he could shut up that pretty little mouth of his, shove it full of cock until he couldn’t mumble anymore, until the head of his dick met the back of Ryan’s throat, and the only thing Brendon would let him up long enough to say was, “Please.” He’d fix whatever the fuck was wrong with him. He’d fuck him hard and fast until he was back to normal, with his snide comments and quick smile.

And since when did Brendon get off on the thought of fucking his bandmate?

“Fuck.” Brendon muttered to himself, coming down, cleaning up with his tee shirt, and throwing it on the floor. He’d wash it tomorrow, when his brain wasn’t full of Ryan’s eyes and Ryan’s smiles, and Ryan’s smell. He’d wash it tomorrow, when he could go back to pretending that he wasn’t in love with one of his best friends. For now, he would just lie back, and blissfully let sleep take him.

***

 

“Yeah, he called me earlier.”

“Did he tell you about that thing with Ryan?”

“Yeah, what the fuck’s up with that, man?”

“I don’t know, Jon. I really don’t. I’ve never known Ryan to do anything that…creepy. I told him to try to talk to him about it. Lord knows if he will though.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Clover says hi.”

Spencer smiled against the mouthpiece of his phone. “Hi, Clover. Is Dylan around?”

Jon shuffled the phone, holding it up against Dylan’s mouth, “Mraow?”

“Alright, so, that was ridiculously adorable, just so you know.”

Laughing, Jon replied, “Oh, I know.”

Spencer stretched, “It’s getting late. I should go soon.”

“You said that an hour ago.”

“Shush.” Spencer grinned despite himself. “Oh, before I forget. My mom baked cookies today, and I had her bake a batch for you. I’m going to send them along tomorrow.”

“Ohmygod, Spencer Smith, I love you.”

Spencer bust out laughing.

“No, seriously, like, I love you. I would so totally marry you tomorrow.”

“Well, they won’t be warm and gooey, so I don’t think that there’s any reason to go that far.” 

“But, no, I’ll still marry you. Cause I have a microwave and Spencer, man, your mom makes the bes- ungh…oh god…Fuuuuuuuck.”

“Wh-Jesus, fuck. Oh, oh…oh, Christ.”

Spencer can hear Jon’s raged breathing against the phone as he realizes what just happened. “Did you..? Just?”

The sound of Spencer licking his lips should not have just made Jon’s cock twitch enthusiastically, but it did anyway. “I did. Did, did you?”

“Yeah, but…we? We were just talking about fucking cookies! How in the hell did that just happen?” Spencer tried desperately to wrap his head around the idea that he and his best friend had spontaneously ejaculated while on the phone together, talking about his _mother’s_ cookies. Simultaneously, at that. “What the fuck?”

Jon, on the other hand, seemed to have already gotten over it. “I didn’t know you sounded like a girl when you got off.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Mr. Whimper.” Spencer threw back at him, trying very hard to put some venom into the words.

“No, it…it was hot. Maybe we should try that again sometime? Without the whole, you know, unplanned-ness of the situation.”

Spencer tried to laugh it off, and failed.

***

 

The next day, when Brendon finally rolled out of bed, he had already missed two calls from Ryan, and one from Jon. He decided to call them both later, or at least Jon. He didn’t know if he was up for another ‘discussion’ with Ryan today. 

He didn’t get that option though as another call from Ryan turned his phone into a light show. And before his coffee too.

“What the fuck, Ryan. What the **fuck** is going on here?”

Ryan made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “I...”

“Don’t you fucking hang up on me either, goddamnit. I want you to talk to me.” The anger seeped out of Brendon’s voice, turning more into annoyance.

“All…alright.” 

Brendon sighed. “What are you doing, Ryan?”

Ryan swallowed audibly, “No. No, you…you have to answer something first.”

Brendon pressed the palm of his free hand into the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache forming. “What, Ryan? What do you want me to answer?”

He could hear Ryan taking a deep breath, and his voice was small when it finally came across the telephone line.

“Did you. Were you thinking about…me? Last night? At all?”

Confused, Brendon nodded before he realized that Ryan couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I did think about you last night. Why? What’s this about?”

“Oh, god.” Ryan breathed out, shakily. “That’s why…”

“That’s why, what? Ryan, the fuck? Talk to me!”

Ryan’s answer came out in a rush, and he had hung up before Brendon could even decipher the words, but he seriously didn’t mean what Brendon thought he had said, did he? Ryan couldn’t have meant, “That’s why it was so much more intense”, right?

What the fuck did that _mean_ , anyway?

***

 

“So, I have to tell you possibly the coolest thing ever.” 

Brendon tucked the phone between his shoulder and his ear, and finished tying his shoe. “What’s that?”

“Alright, so Spencer called me last night, kinda late, and we were just talking about his mom’s cookies, right?”

“Fuck, his mom’s cookies. That bastard wouldn’t save me one. Not even **one** , Jon Walker.”

Jon laughed into the phone. “He’s sending me a whole batch today.”

Throwing himself back onto his bed, Brendon groaned. “No one loves me.”

“Aww, sure we do, Bren. We just love his mom’s cookies more. Besides, that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point then?”

“So, we were talking about the cookies, and then, dude, it was awesome. We both came, simultaneously.”

“Dude. I so do not want to know about you and Spin’s weird phone sex conversations.”

“No, that’s just it. We weren’t doing that. We haven’t even kissed. Well, not really, anyway…”

Brendon raised one eyebrow. “Really? You mean, you guys haven’t done anything?”

Jon’s voice changed, morphing from excited to confused quickly. “No, why?”

“Nothing, just…Zack and Ryan both owe me 40 bucks.”

“I don’t know whether to be angry at you for betting on something like that, or at Ryan for betting against us being pure and innocent little angels.”

“Says the man who called me to tell me about how he and Spence got off at the same time.”

“Dude, totally justified, and Spencer knows I called you.”

“Yeah, but does he know what we’re talking about?”

“Not the particulars.”

Brendon laughed. “Continue, Jon. I have to go soon, and Lord knows, my day would not be complete if I missed this tale.”

“Yeah, so…wait. What do you have to do today?”

Taking a deep breath, Brendon let it out through his nose. “I’ve decided to go over to Ryan’s and force him to talk to me. If I’m standing right in front of him, he can’t hang up the phone.”

“Nice tactic.”

“Thanks, I thought so too. Anyway…”

“Yeah, right, right.” Jon’s voice returned to the excited pitch he had earlier as he continued to regale the story to Brendon, who got more and more confused by the second. 

“Wait. What time did you say this happened?” Brendon asked.

“I don’t know…about midnight? Why?”

Something inside Brendon’s mind clicked, and it clicked really damn loud. “Fuck. Jon, that’s…I’ve gotta go. I’ve gotta go and talk to Ryan now, and…fuck, how did that even…Bye Jon!”

Jon stared down at his phone for a minute, until Clover came up and butted against the back of Jon’s hand, demanding scritches. “That was weird,” he told the cat.

***

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ryan didn’t say anything, just stood there with his mouth agape, staring as Brendon pushed past him and into the house.

“That’s why you’d call me, so that I would say something, anything to you. It doesn’t matter what I say, does it? And that’s why I **had** to say something that one time you called. And it was better or more intense when I thought of you while I did it? Right? And why does it matter what time it is? Is it on a schedule or something? And does it only work for you, Jon and Spin, or like, everyone?”

Standing by the open door, Ryan closed his mouth, opened it to say something, and closed it again.

“Say something, Ryan, Jesus.”

Ryan closed the door, and shrugged. “Hi?”

Brendon laughed tightly. “Alright, alright. I’m probably freaking you out now. But, damn, why didn’t you tell me that this was happening?” Brendon took Ryan by the hand and led him to the couch, sitting down close to him.

Looking everywhere but Brendon’s face, Ryan muttered, “Cause it’s embarrassing as all fuck?”

“Hey. Hey?” Brendon took Ryan’s chin in his hand, and forced him to look at him. “Don’t…look. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m not mad about it or anything, now that I know what’s going on. I just wish that you had come to me about it before all of this.”

“I didn’t know how…”

“Is that why you always sounded so scared?”

Ryan snorted softly. “Wouldn’t you be scared of something like that?”

Brendon nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I guess I would be. But, I could have helped you through it, had I known.”

Casting his eyes downward, Ryan sighed, “I’m sorry.”

Brendon hesitated for roughly 2.4 seconds before wrapping his arms around Ryan and pulling him into a tight hug. “Don’t be sorry. Hell, I think it’s cool.”

Ryan looked up, a small flash of hope in his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Brendon muttered against Ryan’s lips before kissing him deeply. “What do you say we see what happens when I’m actually in the room with you?”

Ryan’s eyes lit up, and Brendon took that as a resounding ‘yes’.

***

 

“Well, it is good to know that he didn’t smoke all of his brain cells dead.”

Brendon made an affirmative noise. “Yeah. And besides. this explanation is just so much cooler.”

“Do you guys know how it happened?”

“We’ve deduced that there was something in my drink at the airport that day. And we don’t know how long it’s going to last either, but god, it’s awesome.”

“Wait, does that mean…”

Laughing, Brendon nodded before answering Jon, “Yeah, that means that you’ll get it again tonight.”

“That’s kinda scary. That you have that power over me. Does it just work for us? Or everyone?”

“I honestly don’t know. But, I’m not too keen on asking anyone else, you know? My mom calls me, like, everyday, and no, don’t wanna know.”

Brendon heard a small bell as one of the cats crawled across Jon’s lap. “God, you must be loving this.” He could hear the smile in Jon’s voice and wondered briefly if it was for the situation, or the cat in his lap. 

“It does have its strong points. I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t love knowing that whenever they masturbate, people that they’ve talked to in the last 24 hours spontaneously orgasm?”

Jon laughed with him. “Well, you do have a point. It must seriously bump up the awesomeness.”

“Dude, mine’s off the charts right now.” Brendon beamed a smile that no one could see as he heard a noise from Ryan’s bedroom. “Oh, sounds like Ryan’s up. I should go.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait!”

“Huh?”

Jon paused for a second, scratching what sounded like his beard. “Can you do me a favor and call Spencer? Just…to, you know. Say hi?”

Brendon smiled into his phone as Ryan padded out of his room, barefoot and shirtless with sex-hair and a large bite mark on his hip. “Yeah, Jon. Sure, I’ll call him and say hi.”

As he hung up the phone, Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon’s waist, yawning and tucking himself in tight. “Is Jon whoring you out already?”

He curled his arms around Ryan’s chest, and kissed the top of his head before he smiled, “Well, you know what they say, Ryan.”

Ryan hummed against his stomach. “What’s that?”

Brendon grinned into Ryan’s soft hair, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

***

 

_True Fact: When Brendon Urie masturbates, everyone he's talked to in the last 24 hours orgasms._

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this story came from [this list](http://adellyna.livejournal.com/340331.html) of Bandom 'true facts' posted by lj user adellyna. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! <3


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